


Only Death Can Bring Us Together Now

by MizErie



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Blood and Gore, Depression, Flawed Reasoning, M/M, Mental Illness, Murder, Murder-Suicide, Rough Sex, Suicide, Unconditional Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 16:25:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10857720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizErie/pseuds/MizErie
Summary: Frank falls into a deep depression over his band (and his life) falling apart and ending back up in the nothingness he thought he had escaped. At wits’ end, Frank takes matters into his own hands.Author's Note: This story is messy and unedited. But this story saved my life. I killed my muse Gerard and his Frank to save my own life.





	Only Death Can Bring Us Together Now

**Author's Note:**

> This story is in its original form. I want to edit it into something better, yet in honesty, I think it's perfect just the way it is. It's raw and painful and broken. 
> 
> I originally wrote this in July of 2012. I will explain more in the end comments. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with My Chemical Romance or the guys that make up the band. No part of this is true; it purely a fictional story. Any part of this story that resembles real life is only coincidental. No parts of this story may be reproduced or used without permission.

“Frankie, are you coming to bed?” Gerard is spread across the bed naked. Frank has been sexually teasing him all day. Gerard knows what Frank wants. It’s always what Frank wants. Well, until recently. Until Frank’s band fell apart. Gerard was encouraged to see Frank less depressed today. A little more full of life, if that’s what it could be called.

Frank’s in the bathroom, a full bottle of pills in each hand. His eyes flick up to look at his reflection in the mirror. _Just a bit longer_ , he thinks. He’s played the part well today. Gerard bought it completely. He can screw up everything in his life. His band can fall apart. He can be reduced back to the nothingness he had once before rose from. But this… no, he can’t screw this up. This is going to be his best production yet.

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute, Gee,” he calls back to his unsuspecting lover. Frank downs half the pills from both bottles with the help of a cup full of tepid water from the bathroom sink. He looks at himself once more, smirking at his reflection. He heads to the bedroom where Gerard awaits.

“What took you so long?” Gerard questions with a mock whine. Frank strips off his pajama pants, leaving him dressed in nothing but skin. He climbs over the bed and places a needy kiss on Gerard’s lips.

“I just wanted to look my best for you tonight, babe. Can’t blame me for that, right?” He gives Gerard a lustful grin that he knows Gerard can’t resist.

“Even at your worst, you’re still perfect to me. You know that.” Frank tries to give Gerard a genuine smile, but he is sure it pulled up into a smirk. _Oh, I’m going to be perfect tonight. Flawless._ In reply to Gerard’s statement, Frank presses their mouths together forcefully, his tongue quick to explore Gerard’s mouth deeply. As he does, his hand slides up Gerard’s chest to his nipple, squeezing it hard between his thumb and middle finger and twisting it. Gerard whimpers, breaking the kiss, but the expression on his face is anything but displeasure.

“So it’s going to be one of _those_ nights?” It pleases Frank that Gerard catches on so quickly to his desire for pain tonight.

“It’s _definitely_ going to be one of those nights. More than you know.” Gerard doesn’t hesitate at Frank’s words, immediately reaching between Frank’s legs and giving his balls a tight, painful squeeze. Frank shuts his eyes tightly and hums in approval.

As he opens his eyes, a small wave of vertigo disorients him for a brief moment, alerting him that the drugs in his system are beginning to work. _Time to get this show on the road._ Frank wiggles his way down Gerard’s naked form. He wraps his lips around Gerard’s dick, allowing his spit to lubricate it in prelude to his next action.

“I thought you wanted to play rough tonight,” Gerard mutters. Frank drags his teeth harshly up both sides of Gerard’s dick in response. Gerard lets out a cry, a mix of pain and pleasure.

Gerard feels the sudden cold from the void Frank’s mouth left around him. Frank wastes no time in climbing atop Gerard’s body. He quickly forces Gerard’s length into himself after barely lining things up properly. The pain that it causes is a welcome feeling in Frank’s body. Frank digs his short nails into the soft skin of Gerard’s sides, drawing the first amount of bloodshed for the night. He begins a tempo of deep, violent thrusts with his hips against Gerard’s. Each movement sends a wave of appreciated discomfort through his body.

Gerard pulls Frank’s body down to his, shifting his head and opening up his neck to Frank. Frank smirks as he attaches his lips to Gerard’s tender skin. He sinks his teeth down until he can taste the metallic taste of Gerard’s blood in his mouth. He can feel the vibrations of Gerard’s moan in his lips. He sucks hard on the wound he just made, willing Gerard to bleed freely from it.

Gerard bucks his hips in time with Frank’s thrusts. Not bothering to swallow Gerard’s blood, Frank presses their mouths together heatedly. Gerard eagerly tastes his own life in Frank’s mouth.

Frank slips his hands around Gerard’s throat. He begins tightening his grip as he breaks the kiss. Gerard’s face grows a deep red as his body begins fighting oxygen deprivation. This only seems to spur Frank on more, tightening his grip even further. Gerard wraps his hands around Frank’s wrists, their usual nonverbal safe word. But Frank doesn’t let go, only ceases the movements of his hips. He is beyond wanting to inflict only sought after pain. He wants to see true fear in Gerard’s eyes.

As soon as Gerard comprehends that Frank is not stopping, Frank gets the look he’s after. Gerard’s eyes widen, and his mouth opens, trying desperately to get some needed air into his lungs. His fingers frantically grasp at Frank’s hands wrapped around his windpipe. Frank sits atop Gerard’s writhing form enjoying watching Gerard struggle. The drugs in his system seem to have given him extra strength, and Gerard is powerless to pry Frank’s hands away.

Gerard’s eyes eventually meet Frank’s. Their eyes stay locked together until Gerard is on the verge of losing consciousness and incapable of hold the gaze any longer. Frank unwraps his fingers slowly from around Gerard’s throat. Gerard’s lungs instinctively draw in a deep breath as the rest of his body lies limply on the bed.

As Gerard pants for precious oxygen, Frank withdraws Gerard’s now softening dick from within himself. He discreetly retrieves a knife he had placed in the nightstand drawer and tucks it down beside his shin on the bed. Frank settles himself back down on Gerard’s hips. He watches Gerard’s face contort in confusion as Gerard recovers from his near loss of consciousness.

“What the fuck, Frank?!” Gerard chokes out roughly.

Frank smirks. “I want to play _rough_ tonight.”

Gerard blinks heavily as the oxygen still fights to permeate his brain fully again. “I gave you the signal to stop, though.”

“Oh. Well, if you didn’t like that, you’re really not going to like this next part.” Gerard forces himself to make eye contact with Frank. The words Frank just spoke and the look on Frank’s face panics Gerard, and fear quickly draws itself over his features. He’s not sure how he didn’t notice before, but Frank is sky high. His pupils are blown.

“What did you take, Frankie? We have to stop, and you have to tell me what you took!”

In one quick motion, Frank draws the knife up into the air and drives it deep into Gerard’s gut with both hands. Gerard cries out loudly, more from Frank’s betrayal than from pain. Frank stays as he is, a hand wrapped around the handle of the blade as he fights off another, stronger wave of vertigo. As it passes, Frank pulls the knife out of Gerard’s stomach.

Gerard clutches the wound on his stomach and tries to wiggle out from under Frank. He manages to get himself sat partially upright in the bed and grabs the wrist of Frank’s hand gripping the blade handle. Frank watches Gerard’s blood run freely down his bare skin and soak into the mattress. The drugs in him are beginning to overpower his body. He knows it’s now or never.

Gerard lets go of his stomach and places his bloody hand on Frank’s cheek, still gripping Frank’s wrist with the other hand. “Frank, listen to me.” Frank cuts his eyes up to Gerard’s. The blank expression on his face worries Gerard that Frank is too far gone to seek help for them both, but he has to try to get through to Frank. “Frank, you have to call for help. Can you do that, sweetie?” Frank slowly shakes his head no, never breaking eye contact. “Can you bring me the phone?”

Frank’s eyes dart across the room at the phone and then back to Gerard. “I can’t be a failure at this, too, Gee. This is something I know I can accomplish. We are going to die together tonight, you and me. Right here. Because I made it happen.”

“Frank, how many pills did you take?” Gerard breathes out frantically. He tries to recall what pills they even have in the medicine cabinet.

“Enough. More than enough, of both of them.” This new information causes Gerard to start, jerking his hand away from Frank’s face for only second before lovingly sliding it around the back of his neck.

“Frankie, suicide _is_ a failure.”

Those words infuriate Frank. He raises the knife still in his hands and plunges it into Gerard’s body over and over, screaming “I am NOT a failure!” with each strike. He stops only when his body runs out of energy. Frank collapses over Gerard’s bleeding and mangled torso, the knife sliding out of his grasp and onto the floor.

Gerard’s thoughts spin violently in his head. _I should have seen this coming. I should have saved Frank. What about Mikey? My parents? Frank’s parents? Oh, God… Frank’s dying!_ Gerard gathers his remaining strength and tries to rouse Frank, more concerned with saving Frank than himself.

“Frankie? Frank, baby? Stay with me, Frank!” Gerard tries to get up to reach the phone, but his body feels too heavy. “Frankie, c’mon. Wake up for me.” Frank's eyes barely crack open. “Frankie, you have to get the phone!” Gerard feels more lightheaded with each passing second. He feels like he’s drowning.

Frank groans heavily then breathes out “I love you, Gee.” Gerard tries to call out to Frank again but can’t force the words out of his body. He manages to turn his head to look at Frank. Frank’s face looks peaceful. Gerard notices Frank is hardly breathing, only taking sporadic breaths. He places one last kiss on Frank’s head as he realizes it is too late for them both.

With both of them coated in Gerard’s blood, Gerard tries in vain to snuggle Frank’s limp body closer to his own. Gasping for air and unable to move anymore, he just looks at Frank’s face until darkness eventually envelops him.

“ _I mean this forever._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> As I said, I wrote this in July of 2012. I wasn't just suicidal; I had put my plan into action. I sat on my bed with a full bottle of pills and opened my laptop to write my final goodbyes. Through a series of events that I'm not going into here, I ended up watching a clip of Gerard saying how suicide wasn't the answer. I sat crying, locked in my room while my husband was at work, and I wrote this story instead of my suicide note. 
> 
> It hasn't been easy, but I'm a long way from that dark place. I still struggle daily with emotional issues; after all, I have multiple serious mental health problems in addition to depression. 
> 
> But Gerard is right: suicide isn't the answer. Someday I hope to tell him my story of how he saved me. 
> 
> If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. My email is x.mizerie.x@gmail.com. Even if I'm not actively posting on here, you can reach out to me. 
> 
> My love to you all!  
> xo Miz


End file.
